PEACE AND FAITH KNOW NO BOUNDS

(Retro musings by Neri -- my wife and guest writer -- for the Holy Week in quarantine...
when the world stood still and God's voice resonated)

Among the countless struggles I had to confront during my younger years was that of faith. I had very intense questions about the existence of a God and the soundness of my religion. I was born and reared to be a devout Catholic. I practiced the Sacraments like a dutiful soldier taking to heart all his assigned tasks -- lock, stock and barrel. And as was expected, my religion turned into a routine. In the bleakness and dreariness of this routine, things started to lose their meaning and purpose. And somewhere along the way, I, too, got lost. I felt empty. Very empty.

It was this emptiness that fired my curiosity to seek solace in readings, lecture sit-ins and symposia on Zen Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Ananda Marga (even) and other religions and ways of life while I was in a university that strongly encouraged the pursuit of freedom -- in practices of faith -- among others. I listened to the propositions of the atheists and agnostics. I was juggling myself from one existentialist philosopher to another to validate my raison d'etre. I was heavily reading and devouring the works of Kierkegaard and Sartre, among others, not to mention the Bhagavad Gita, the Quran and the Torah in my insatiable search of food for my soul. But despite of all these, I was still at a loss and very empty.

The search took a while. Surprisingly though never for once was I compelled to experiment with drugs, mysticism and the occult in my desperation to find some answers. But neither did I attribute this safe and guided direction to a Supreme Being who kept me away from all harm and evil despite all my stubbornness to acknowledge Him. I kept on looking elsewhere and everywhere for that God who can answer all my questions and put my soul in peace. But I have forgotten to look inside my heart.

The I Ching by Lao Tzu, a Chinese philosopher, tells us that you first have to be empty in order to be full. In fact, it was in the first emptiness of my heart that I have found the fullness of God. He was right there all along, patiently waiting for me to accept His presence in my life and surrender my whole being to His power and all-encompassing love. In my struggle, it was He who picked me up every time I struggled and fell. In my despair, it was He who comforted me and gave me hope to go on looking. In my weakness, it was He who served as my invisible source of endless strength. And even in my pride, it was He who humbled me. Like the father who was preparing for his prodigal son's return, God openly welcomed me back to the fold.

Odd but it is when our insides are so bruised and aching that we feel as if we will have to cry a river to get the hurt out that we remember to turn to God. It is only in our nothingness that we realize His fullness. But His grace and mercy are so overwhelming that they permeate every single minute of our lives whenever and wherever. It is our unworthiness of Him that hinders us from enjoying a personal relationship with God.

I have stopped looking for miracles in my life ever since I have submitted myself to a renewal of faith. I know that I am God's miracle and every day that I live, an effort to be worthy of the gift of life is but a fitting form of gratitude that I can give in return, little as it may seem. Every single minute of my life is a miracle in itself. What greater God can there be than one who gives us the freedom of will and choice? What more loving God can there be than one who has sent His only Son to redeem the world?

It does not really matter what forms of worship we take or what practices of faith we accept. It does not even matter what name we use to call our God. For in His eyes we are all the same. Faith knows no bounds. To love our brothers in the same breadth that He has continued to shower us with love is a manifestation of our belief and faith in God. To forgive and to be forgiven. To seek and to find. To experience His wholeness in others.

It is when we have renewed and strengthened our faith that we finally find healing and meaning. When faith breaks through all the barriers and knows no bounds, peace is restored not only among nations but more importantly in each and every heart and soul. 

The human spirit lives on in His grace and mercy.                                   

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"It is always darkest before dawn...

For what is Calvary if just beyond it 

lies a glorious Easter morning?